A love story is heartbreaking
when the heartbreak need not occur,
while the heartbreak is clung to,
though the heartbreak can be healed.
Many heartwrenching love stories share the common trait of heartbreak – due to miscommunication, which happens in two ways – not communicating one’s true thoughts and feelings in time, and wrongly assuming what the other’s true thoughts and feelings are. The only way to heal such heartaches is… yes, you guessed it – communication. With the world being tightly interconnected by the net today, it is much easier to trace the hearts you have broken, and the ones whom your heart had broken over… to re-communicate, to set the record right, even if it is just for the record, so as to have a sense of closure. Closure, however, does not mean all is over for good, for true closure opens new doors of karmic affinity too, offering new possibilities. Even if romantic love is now out of the question, isn’t genuine friendship possible? Why let a relationship become estranged and wasted over misunderstandings when you can clear the air? It would be truly heartbreaking if they are not resolved in time – when one party departs before the other. Do communicate while there is still time! It doesn’t matter if what you wish to communicate is well received or not, as long as you convey it sincerely, freeing yourself from regret.
As the Buddha taught in the Dhammapada, ‘There are those who do not realise that one day we all must die. But those who do realise this settle their quarrels.’ In the movie, ‘You Are The Apple Of My Eye’, there is an earthquake scene, which shook many wide awake in the still of the night. Everyone suddenly whips out their mobile phones to call their loved ones living elsewhere, to check if they are alright. The protagonist guy holds up his phone to check for reception, as he runs away from the crowd hogging the airwaves. Finally, he manages to connect, or rather, reconnect, with the girl he had a serious crush upon, and was assured that she was okay. Despite a two-year lapse in communication due to a conflict, the earthquake was a wake-up call, on the urgency to reconcile, to express his deep care and concern despite a petty grudge. Furthering what the Buddha said, not only will we die one day, this one day can arrive abruptly indeed, via sudden disasters. Life is too short to make one another suffer by nursing regrets and resentment, especially when they are resolvable. Even if they are no longer resolvable in person, it is also senseless to continue nursing regrets and resentment.
One might as well focus on resolving other conflicts and maintain other surviving relationships well, lest new regrets and resentment form. For making peace with the deceased, one can also share merits for their well-being. In the same movie, there was much ambivalence over the guy and girl in affirming their love for each other. The guy struggles to be accepted, while the girl hesitates accepting him. True Love just loves though. It is not conditioned by acceptance or rejection, never mistaking physical intimacy as crucial, since it can be loveless and lustful instead. Why not just love on in acceptable ways without yearning for more, if the love is true? While one might be ambivalent in committing, there is no need to be ambivalent in being caring. Why let pride be in the way of love, unless your ego is your one True Love? The Bodhisattvas openly declare their True Love for all beings, and love on even when unappreciated! If the ego obstructs even the loving of one person, is one ready to embrace many? Possible – only if one’s love is already more spiritual than worldly in nature. May all beings be slow to hate and swift to love one another, with as few conditions as possible!
As True Love is truly unconditional,
never expecting reciprocation,
one who loves truly can never have one’s heart broken.
How Can You Quarrel?
Some Regrets about Some Relationships